Choices
by losingmyself84
Summary: What if Bella's choice wasn't so easy? Set somewhere between New Moon and Eclipse, Edward is back, but Bella can't chose between him and Jacob - she loves both of them. She can't make both of them happy - she must chose. Twilight FF, Bella/Edward/Jacob, K
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story takes place somewhere in the realm of Eclipse once Edward returns and Bella is forced to make her choice. Reviews are welcomed and appreciated!**

"I love you both… but differently…" I trailed off mid-sentence.

"What does that mean Bella?" Jacob demanded angrily. I knew his temper would get the best of him, it always did. He wore his emotions on his sleeve… one of his few downfalls, but one that I had come to rely heavily on. I had expected at least as much from him so I wasn't too surprised when I glanced over at him and his eyes betrayed his angry words. His eyes were full of pain, but that hopeful sort of love. I knew what he wanted me to say.

Edward just stared, his dark eyes boring into mine. He just needed to know an answer, either way, and I knew he would do whatever I wished. There would be no fight and there would be no display of heroism. It would either be him staying or him going.

"I can't do this right now… you're putting me on the spot and I can't think straight. All of this is too much…" I felt completely trapped between the two of them. Breathing was hard, knowing that two people relied so heavily on my feelings, however unsure those feelings were. I began to feel claustrophobic standing in between them, even though they both stood three or four feet away from me. I closed my eyes for a moment and felt Edward move towards me in case I collapsed, something I was known to do in his presence. I moved my hand slightly to let him know I was okay, and I knew he had backed away to his original position.

I slowly took a deep breath, in and out, and opened my eyes, looking directly ahead, trying to clear my mind and figure out what to do next. I heard Jacob move a step closer and I turned my head towards him, almost as if to warn him to keep his distance, but he didn't take the cue.

"But Bella, if you don't know this by now…I mean, you _have_ to know by now what you want… don't you?" Jacob's eyes pleaded with me to say the words he longed to hear. That I had picked him and that this entire mess would be over.

"I need space – I need time Jacob."

I turned to Edward. I knew that my confrontation with him would be easier than it was with Jake, even if I was telling them the same thing. Edward always had a composed, rational side, even when he was upset or angry. He stood still, his eyes dead and his face blank.

"You've always given me my space when I needed it. I need some 'human time' here… please Edward." I whispered the last part of my sentence, begging him to trust me. I hoped my familiar language, the joke that reminded us of how different we really were, would make the blow easier.

He simply nodded and was at my side in two strides. He gently turned my body to his and tiled my chin upwards so that I was looking directly into his eyes. His right hand traced down my cheek and to my neck where it rested gently. I heard Jacob growl quietly in the background, but it couldn't break my gaze.

"You know I will love you until the day I cease to exist and that will never fade, it will never die. But I trust you, Bella, to make the decision that's right for you. Not for me, not for Jacob, but the choice that will ultimately make you happy. You have all the time you need and I will be here no matter what choice you make. I love you Bells." Edward spoke softly, but purposefully. I knew he meant what he said, that he would always love me, but that he only wanted me to be happy.

With that, he leaned down, touched his lips to mine firmly, our eyes still open and locked with each others. He lingered longer than usual and then abruptly pulled himself away, turning his back on me and bolting into the forest and out of sight.

For the first time, after kissing Edward, I wasn't breathless.

I had to will my legs to remain standing and my eyes to contain the waterfall of tears that were threatening to explode at any moment. I took a deep breath, something I had begun to consciously think about after being with Edward for so long, and turned towards Jacob.

He sat on the ground, head in hands, his large shoulders shaking. He was a wreck. And it was my fault. I walked over to him quietly and laid my hand on his shoulder. At the feeling of my touch, his head bolted up and his wet brown eyes stared back at me.

"Bella…"

"Oh Jacob… this is anything but easy. I'm making three people miserable here and I can't do it any longer. Both of you need to know what I want, but _I_ don't even know that right now. I hope you can understand…"

"No… I've never been in a situation like this, so I can't understand. I don't envy you right now, but… I can't wait forever to find out who you care about though, Bella. If you can't love me the way I love you then we can't be. That's a special kind of love… I want that with you but I want _you_ to love _me_ like that." I saw two fresh tears forming at his eyes and Jacob looked down, away from me, embarrassed to be openly crying in front of me at this moment, even though it was far from the first time he had done so.

I longed to reach out and stroke his hair, tell him that everything would work out and have him wrap me into his arms but I held myself back. It was not the right moment to be so vulnerable with Jacob and I would regret leading him on if my choice wasn't him. Instead, I pulled my sweater around me tighter and breathed hard. My head was spinning and if I wasn't careful, I would faint or collapse or something equally as bad. I had to leave but I needed to explain. At least to make Jacob know how hard this was… maybe to make him understand. Edward knew how hard leaving could be, and maybe that's why he left without a fuss or fight. He understood.

Jacob looked up and into my eyes, streaks of wetness across his cheeks where he had hastily wiped away his tears with his shirt, and spoke first.

"You're so special to me Bella… I can't bear the thought not being with you and–" his words were cut short as his voice cracked and he choked back a sob. My heart wrenched in my chest and my hand involuntarily reached for him. He slowly rose to his feet, touching his fingers to mine slowly before he took my hand in his, linking our fingers together. In one swift movement, he had me in his arms, holding me tightly, as if it were the last time he would ever see me. He laid his head down on mine and I felt his huge body shake, three hard, heavy and miserable sobs. Before I could move to put my arms around him, he was an arms' length away from me, looking down.

"Promise me you'll come back to me. Even if you come only to tell me that you've chosen…_him_."

"I promise. You can't get rid of me that easily Jake." I choked out the last part of the sentence with a halfhearted smile on my face, hoping that the joke might make leaving him easier. Jacob smiled sadly and stared into my eyes, hoping to find an answer, something… anything. I was so close to not crying; I bit my lip hard to keep from losing it now. I needed to be alone before I completely lost my composure otherwise I would just as easily crawl into his arms and let myself sob until my tears were gone. Things would be harder in the long-run that way, because no matter what, I had convinced myself I had to leave. Leaving now was better…

He stepped forward swiftly and had both his hands on my face, tilting it up towards him and he gently but passionately kissed me. I felt wetness on my face as his tears spilled over onto my cheeks and I let my hand wind itself around his neck, gently running my fingertips down the back of his neck as I always did. Jacob pulled away slowly and looked into my eyes carefully.

"Goodbye Bells."

"Goodbye Jacob."

With that, he turned and walked into the shadows and out of sight. I heard him running away through the forest quickly, having changed back into a werewolf to get away faster. Less than a minute later, I heard his low, sad moan echo across the forest and I let my head drop. It was time to go.

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	2. Chapter 2

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I couldn't allow myself to believe that this was the end. My Bella was going to leave me forever.

As I ran through the forest, I knew that Alice had seen what had happened. Whether she had told everyone was the question, but my family was going to know something was going on. They had backed off after the battle and left me to be with Bella, to talk to her, comfort her, explain to her, whatever she needed. We'd spend the last few hours Jacob's company in the tent and I'd longed to be more intimate with her than his presence allowed.

Jacob had other ideas. I loathed him for putting her into a position where she has to choose between the two of us… but its reality. Two different kinds of non-human beings that cannot cohabitate and she had to have a boyfriend for one and a best friend for another. I involuntarily shook my head. Bella can't have the best of both worlds with us. She has to choose, but I would never ever make her do that. I want her to be happy… but is it selfish of me to want that happiness to radiate from me?

I shook both of them out of my mind for just a moment, dodging a particularly large tree, but Bella's torn, dismal face slid back into my mind. That awful look would be burned into my mind for days – never had I seen her so upset, so miserable. And to think that I may have assisted in causing that melancholy… it made me want to die. My beautiful Bella…

As I got closer to home, I put on a strong façade. I needed to figure this out or I would make myself mad waiting for her. My emotions were running wild and I couldn't control myself but I didn't want Jasper to try either.

I was angry at Bella for putting both of us in this position, angry at her for not choosing me right away, angry at Jacob for making her so miserable with the choice she had to make and angry at myself for not seeing this coming. And I was upset with Bella for not being honest with me – that was the one downfall of my not being able to hear her thoughts. It was so easy for her to keep things from me. It was a struggle for me daily to constantly ask her what she was thinking and take bets on whether it was the truth, or whether there was information missing. I trusted Bella, but when you can hear everything all the time, silence can be deafening.

I picked up my pace, eager to not be alone with my thoughts. It started to rain hard, but the tree cover kept me relatively dry as I made may way home, directing myself as if on autopilot.

I was upset with myself for not seeing this coming. Maybe something could have been done, more space for her, less space, something, anything. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her, one way or another, but at least if I changed her myself, I could have her forever. But I couldn't end her life like that to benefit my own. I may have selfish feelings, but I would never do that to my Bella. A part of me felt betrayed. I had opened up to Bella about some of my darkest secrets, things about my life that others didn't know. I trusted that she would do the same, be honest with me. I never asked anything else of her. She was my everything and she could let me go, just like that.

I had hoped that my kissing her before I left might have sparked those all too familiar feelings, the breathlessness and maybe a realization of where she belonged, in my arms. But I've never kissed Bella and had it be like that. There was nothing. No fire, no spark, no heat. It was… wrong.

What's happened to my Bella?

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	3. Chapter 3

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I kept trying to calm myself as I ran through the forest towards La Push, but nothing worked. Thinking of her only made it worse and my mind couldn't travel elsewhere. I turned as soon as I could once she was out of sight– I could run faster as a werewolf. I took a flying leap over a stream and landed hard on my paws, but no harm done. I was strong, resilient and angry. Nothing could stop me right now.

I could only thank the lord that I haven't imprinted on Bella. It would be too much to have that happen on top of everything else.

I know she worries about that – choosing me and then having me imprint on someone else, like Sam. It would kill her, absolutely kill her. And she would regret choosing me in the first place, no doubt about that. I'm scared it will happen too – I would do anything in my power to imprint on Bella. Life would be set, she would have no choice but to allow me in her life, in some way, shape, or form.

I was sure she was going to choose me… something between the two of them didn't seem right today. He broke her heart – I couldn't stand seeing that pain in her eyes every day. I would never make her feel that way and I know that she used our friendship to help her start to move on. I was beginning to think she was falling in love with me – maybe I'm right.

I know that her feelings for me have gotten stronger and stronger as time has gone on. Our friendship has grown by leaps and bounds and it's blossomed into something different. It was hard when I made my change, but she understands like no one else and it eases my mind. How can someone so human, so down-to-earth, so perfect, understand my screwed up existence?

Then again, she loves a vampire. I guess I shouldn't question her ability to understand complicated situations.

I slowed my hurried pace as I closed in on the reservation – I could hear my brothers clearly now, having ignored their commentary on my way home. They were angry with Bella for not knowing what she wanted and causing me pain. I told them that now was not the time for anger directed at her and their voices were silent. As I walked slower through the forest behind my house, I couldn't help but feel like everything was off.

Bella helped my life make sense – she was the first person who had ever treated me as more than just a friend. We had such a special bond and seeing her all the time and being with her made just getting up in the morning worth it. I'd been there when she'd pushed her boundaries, changed her usually careful self. It was because of him, but I was there to support her. That had to count for something.

She asked him for her 'human time', whatever that means. An inside joke, judging by the way she said it. But she said more to me, spent more time with me, until she had to leave. She kissed me back with passion and that gut feeling was there, at least for me. I didn't want to let her go – I just hoped she would tell me she wanted me and crawl into my lap forever. Life would have been perfect.

I knew that I would be the bad guy if I didn't let her go without much more of a fuss. I kept trying to get her to understand my feelings but I couldn't get all the words out. I love that girl to the ends of the earth – I would die for her. I don't want to see her unhappy being with someone who lives forever – at some point, she's going to get old… he'll be unhappy, so will she and she'll be alone. I don't want that. I want her to grow old with me and have my children and… I want her.

I changed back into my human self – sharing my thoughts was enough, but I needed to be human right now. I needed to feel myself in the form that she had grown to love. Maybe this needed to become permanent. Maybe if I wasn't a werewolf, she could just fall in love with me. I walked up the front porch steps and saw Billy and Sam waiting in the living room through the screen door.

Maybe she could love me more if I was the normal alternative.

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	4. Chapter 4

I sat inside my truck, both hands on the steering wheel, willing myself to drive away from my life in Forks. My bag was packed beside me, my few worldly possessions contained within one large duffel bag. I caught myself in the rearview mirror, my eyes wild, a bit red, but mostly sad. I looked away quickly.

I had told Charlie it was time for a vacation, some time away from Forks, from the rain. This time I'd been able to hide what was going on better than usual. I knew the things Charlie looked for and I'd covered my tracks well. I had made sure he would be in bed when I got home, even if it meant driving around the outskirts of forks, far away from La Push, and as far away from the Cullen residence as possible. I crept in well after midnight and my exhaustion overtook me and I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was relieved that I hadn't cried myself to sleep last night, otherwise Charlie would have heard, or seen my puffy face in the morning and known something was up.

I was becoming a good liar.

Coincidentally, Angela and Jessica were going on a trip to Mexico for two weeks and had invited me along. Although I'd declined, telling them I was going to visit my mom instead, it provided the perfect excuse for Charlie. He had made me promise to be careful, be respectful and to enjoy myself with Angela and Jessica, telling me that my much-needed vacation would do wonders. I certainly hoped it would.

This morning, Charlie had held me at arms' length, smiled and commented how grown up I was, leaving on my own on a trip, and hugged me tightly, and somewhat awkwardly. He ran through his checklist of things I needed, my bags, my passport, extra money hidden in my bag, and then said goodbye one last time before climbing into his cruiser for work.

My mom had been easier to deal with regarding leaving. Not seeing her on a regular basis made lying to her easier – she didn't question my vacation with the girls, even though she was well aware that my relationship with Jessica had been rocky at best. Her and Phil were living in Jacksonville, but Phil was on one month of away games, so the house would be empty. She had sent me a key, "just in case" she said, I ever needed it. Be it temporary or permanent, it was there for me, her voice emphasizing the latter option. It would take me at least three days to get there in my truck, if not four but being alone in a truck for a few days would make gathering my thoughts a lot easier.

I almost hoped that I would have made my choice before I arrived in Jacksonville, just so that I could turn around and come back. I was pretty sure that wouldn't happen but a girl can hope.

I looked down at my hands, my knuckles turning white from holding the steering wheel so tightly. I slowly released them, shook out my hands and turned the ignition on. I looked back at the tiny house, the curtains in my room drawn closed, as they had been since I got home last night. I didn't want any nightly visitors; I wanted to have the day over forever, not to be remembered.

I backed slowly out of the driveway, one last long look at the house, and the forest behind it, and. threw the truck into drive. I let my eyes linger for a moment on the last sign of the town, thanking me for coming and hoping I would come back to Forks soon, and then set my gaze straight for Florida.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks upon thanks upon thanks to Socialxxhazard – you rule :) thank you for reviewing every chapter! I hope I'm keeping you entertained enough to continue!**

**My co-worker Shelby and I spent ALL day at work today planning out the rest of the story (considering the epilogue is already written, and BOY will it make u go "awww") so I have many chapters to come! **

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"Edward you can't go after her, not if she needs space."

Esme looked at me with sad eyes and reached her hand out to my arm. I covered her hand over with mine and squeezed it lightly, my eyes shifting away to my lap. I was in the living room, sitting on the couch with Alice, Esme perched on the arm of the couch beside me, Carlisle and Emmett opposite us. Jasper stood behind Alice, his hands on her shoulders, but Rosalie stood alone at the doorway.

I could feel Jasper changing the mood in the room, making everything calmer, and I struggled to fight against it. I didn't want to be calm right now, I couldn't be calm. A fury burned in my chest that almost propelled me out the door after Bella, twice now. Jasper had placed his hands on my shoulders, holding me down on the couch while Esme and Alice tried to talk me out of leaving.

Jasper put his hand on my shoulder again now, just one, in sympathy of a pain he could not understand and never would have to feel. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice reach up and take his other hand and I cringed. What I wouldn't give to be sitting here with Bella like that at this very moment. I sighed.

"But what if she gets hurt… what if something goes wrong – I don't even know where she's going and I wouldn't ever know… I can't take that chance and lose her again. Even if she doesn't choose me, I need to know she's safe." I spoke quietly, my voice wavering at the idea of Bella being hurt or worse while she took her 'time'.

_We know where Bella is going Edward…we can keep an eye on her… for a while._ Esme spoke silently. My head shot up and I looked at Alice. I could see by her face that she had been trying very hard to hide this from me. I had been distracted by my own feelings and hadn't noticed the almost tortuous look on her face. I pulled away from Esme and turned my body to Alice.

"Alice…"

"Edward… you know we don't keep things from each other but you can't go after her." Alice spoke in measured tones, afraid that she would give Bella's destination away in her mind. I sat quietly, hoping that her own mind would betray itself but Alice's determination was strong. I heard her swear at me in her mind and threaten me to stay out.

I heard Roaslie agreeing with her that I shouldn't go, but was surprised when the agreement wasn't supported by the rest of my family. Usually the family stood as a united front on issues like this. I looked up at Carlisle and then at Emmett in surprise, not bothering to turn around to look at what was sure to be the same expression on Jaspers' face.

Esme stood up and walked into the space between us.

"No." she said firmly at Carlisle and Emmett.

"He needs to go Esme. Look at his face – he's in pain and nothing is going to get fixed if he stays here. Yes, she needs time, but it couldn't hurt for him to follow her, stay back a bit, at least make sure she's okay." Carlisle defended his position to Esme, his face firm. Emmett looked over at him and nodded in agreement.

_An 18-year-old girl traveling across the country by herself is just asking for trouble._ I heard Carlisle think in his mind and after a moment, he realized that I had heard him, loud and clear. His eyes looked up at me, almost in pity for my feelings, and then back to Esme.

Alice looked at me.

"Can you actually tell us that you won't go near her if you follow her? That you'll stay away from her once she gets where she's going and leave her be until she's coming back? I don't think you can do that Edward. Look at yourself…" Alice trailed off. Her gaze dropped from mine and she shifted uncomfortably beside me.

I glanced up and saw my reflection in the window behind Carlisle and Emmett. I was a wreck – my face was sunken in and darker than usual, the stress visible in not only my eyes, but my body as well. My shoulders were tense and high, my fist balled up tightly in my lap, my jaw clenched angrily.

"No I can't… but I can't let her go somewhere like that alone. Hell, Bella gets into enough trouble here in Forks with no assistance…"

It was then that it dawned on me what Carlisle had said. _Across the country_. She was going to see her mother, or at least to go to the house. It had to be – she wouldn't drive so far without having a place in mind to go and Bella had never traveled anywhere other than the distance between Charlie's place and Renee's place. I stood up.

Carlisle realized his slip up at that moment and stood as well. Emmett followed suit and I stood still, unsure of whether to leave to try to find her, or whether any attempt I made would just be thwarted by my family. I was fast… but there was five of them.

"Edward will go. If we try to keep him, he'll just leave on his own accord anyways. He's not a child and he can make his own decisions–" Carlisle was cut off by Rosalie. She leaned forward into the room and looked at Edward with fire in her eyes.

"Even if it's a completely ridiculous decision? Jesus Edward. You've let a human reduce you to pieces, and for what? Because she can't commit herself to you? Because she's in love with a _dog_?" Rosalie's voice sliced through the room with disgust.

"Enough." Carlisile spoke firmly, louder than necessary and Rosalie stepped forward.

"No. No one bothered to say anything when he gave up our secret. No one bothered to say that maybe he should have protected _his family_ better.

"I warned you that she would hurt you – that this would never work out in your favor. You're an eternal being Edward. You've given up everything for a mortal and you've betrayed this family in doing so. And now look at you – you're completely ruined over her and she doesn't care enough about you to tell you the truth."

She scowled at me, her eyes boring into mine. As if her words meant anything to me anymore… This was far from the first time she had blatantly insulted Bella, I was used to it. My only concern was that she talked as though she spoke for the entire family. My eyes flitted towards Alice, but her head was turned to Rosalie. Before I could turn to look, Carlisle's hands rose, palms out towards Rosalie.

"ENOUGH. Edward has done nothing wrong! Only a few of us in this room have experienced what he has with Bella and I can tell you, it's not something easily deserted. You have no concept of that kind of love Rosalie – don't try to take it away from him." Carlisle's eyes burned with anger and Rosalie stepped back to her original position, cowering away from the rest of the family.

I turned to Rosalie. I knew she had always had an issue with Bella but I never quite understood why. I knew that the words she had spoken were likely true but that there was more behind it than just betrayal.

"And what's the truth Rosalie? Since when do you know anything about what Bella and I share? Why don't you tell me what the hell your problem is with her? There's something going on… everyone knows it but you won't tell us. Why do you hate her so much?"

Rosalie didn't respond to my question and her eyes dropped to the floor before she turned and walked out of the room. I heaved a sigh and turned back to Esme but before I could open my mouth to speak, Emmett stepped forward.

"We'll go. Together. I'll keep you from getting too close, from letting your emotions get the better of you. We'll watch Bella, make sure she's okay." Emmett put his hand on my shoulder and I looked back at him with heartfelt thanks in my eyes.

One hour later, after speaking to Alice about Bella's destination – Jacksonville – and the route she would likely take, Emmett and I were off in Carlisles' Mercedes. Emmett's Jeep was too conspicuous, Bella would be sure to notice my Volvo if we got too close, and all of our other cars were too flashy. In future, we would have to invest in something plain, and likely slower than we were used to, like a Mitsubishi Evo or a Lexus IS350 – I shuddered at the thought of owning a slow car.

I knew Bella's car couldn't move that quickly and we would likely catch her within the next few hours, but Emmett took the wheel, sure that my irrationality at the moment would get us into an accident. I wondered if her car would even _make_ it as far as she intended to go. I thought for a moment that Charlie must have looked it over before letting her leave and then realized he likely had no idea where she was going. He wouldn't have let her drive across the country in her truck – if she had told him she was going home, he would have paid for a plane ticket. Either that or Renee would have offered. Something was weird.

I stared out the window as we passed the familiar scenery of Forks, cringing when I saw the turnoff to Bella and Charlie's place. If only she were there… if only she had chosen me then we would be in her room right now, lying together on her bed. If only no choice had to be made… I knew this entire thing was my fault. If I hadn't left in the first place then this wouldn't be happening. We would be finishing high school and planning to move away together.

I had to find her and make sure she was okay. And I would talk to her even if it meant sending Emmett on a wild goose chase for an hour, if only to see her face and be able to touch her again.

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	6. Chapter 6

I had stayed outside her window all night last night, keeping as quiet as possible, hoping that her curtains would open and that she would look down into the yard. I stayed hidden at the edge of the forest in my human form; a massive wolf would attract attention should anyone look my way. Two steps forward would put me into a block of moonlight and if she came to her window, a glance into her yard would confirm my presence.

But the curtain never opened and the sun rose before I could think of any logical reason as to why I would be at her window after what had happened earlier today.

I stayed hidden as I watched Charlie walk to his cruiser around six a.m., talking to Bella outside his cruiser, giving her an awkward hug and then leaving for work. It started to rain lightly and she had headed back inside until about 7:30, when she carefully locked the door, slid the key into the eave and walked to her truck. Bella glanced around her twice as she walked towards her truck, as if she expected me or Edward to be waiting on the edges of her property. When she saw nothing, her pace quickened. She had a small duffel bag in one hand, what looked like a blanket and a map in the other, all of which she haphazardly threw into the passenger side. She was going somewhere… without telling me.

But she sat there for a long time, staring straight ahead, both hands on the steering wheel, leaning slightly forward, as if she expected something to jump out in front of her unmoving truck. I wondered if she had spotted me and was just waiting, but after ten minutes went by, I knew she was really and truly in another world.

I almost missed her snap out of it and start her truck up, glancing around her surroundings as if she were saying goodbye. She glanced up at her room, as if she expected someone to be there waving goodbye to her and then abruptly threw the truck into reverse and backed out of the driveway and drove away.

My instincts made me change and I ran after the truck. I was fast, much faster than her truck could ever be and I made it to the outskirts of Forks before she did. If she didn't go this way, then it was likely that she was just going somewhere in town, to a friends' house. But no more than ten minutes had passed before I heard the loud grumble of her trucks' old engine, a precursor to the faded red truck that passed by my hiding spot a moment later.

And I followed her.

I hadn't been far from Forks before, but Billy had taken me with him on some good fishing trips and to a few different cities over the years so I knew she only had so many ways to go. But if she went far I would be in trouble. I couldn't roam around as a wolf – people would be scared of me and that could get me into a lot of trouble. Possibly killed.

As I ran through the thinning woods, trying to beat her to the next highway I thought she might take, I realized I had to consider what I wanted to do. Following her on foot wasn't an option and I couldn't get into the back of her truck without her noticing. That would be kind of creepy too.

_You need to leave her be Jacob. She asked for her space – if you want any hope of ever getting her back then you need to respect her wishes. Come home now Jacob. _I heard Sam's familiar voice in my head.

_No… I didn't get to tell her what I needed to. She needs to know how I feel about her._ My gut wrenched as I remembered my fumbled attempt to tell her that I loved her yesterday. My mouth hadn't been able to form around the words, too afraid that she wouldn't reciprocate them.

_She knows Jacob, otherwise her choice would have been very easy in the first place. Following her won't help your situation. And what are you going to do? You can't follow her as a human and you're too conspicuous as a werewolf. It's better for you to come home now. _Although I didn't want to hear it, Sam's words were realistically convincing. What did I expect?

_Seriously Jake, we understand but leaving isn't helping. Come back._ Embry had joined in now, a quieter plea for me to come back.

_Look Jacob, if she hasn't come back in a week, we'll go look for her. All of us. We'll split up, we'll find her._ Paul was in on the discussion now – I liked his option the best and I agreed to it almost immediately. The pack went quiet in my head and I knew they were waiting for me to let them know I was on my way home.

My gameplan was shitty at best and I knew that once she got onto major routes, there wouldn't be enough cover for me to hide and still follow her. At least the pack had my back. I slowed my pace and moved closer to the edge of the road to watch her pass by me for the last time before I would head home.

Again, the noisiness of her truck preceded her actual arrival and as I watched from the shadows, I could see her face clearly though the windows of the truck. She looked distraught, as though she might fall apart at any moment. Her hands gripped the wheel tightly and she looked exhausted. As she passed me by, my heart dropped, the hope that I would witness her turn around to go back to La Push fading fast. Once her truck was gone, I waited a moment and then turned around, heading home at full speed.

I only hoped she would come back to me, come back to my arms and tell me that she needed me, and that I was her choice.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Mad love for my reviewers:**

**Twilightforeternity63801**

**Socialxxhazard**

**As well as those of you who added my story on alert ;) thank you!! My coworker spent our entire seven hour shift reading the chapters I've written (more than are posted ;) and the epilogue (she just about cried) so I have more in store but I need reviews in order to post those chapters ;) But thankyouthankyouthankyou to those who did review – if you're reading and like/don't like plz hit the lil' review button down there :)**

I didn't want to spend what money I had on a hotel and I was getting tired of driving. It had been close to 17 or 18 hours of driving and I needed some sleep. The light had faded away long ago, but the adrenaline pulsing through my veins kept me going for much longer than I should have. I had some irrational hope in my head that once I arrived in Jacksonville, I would know the answer to my question. The sane part of me knew that disappointment would set in once I realized it was a much harder choice than that, but I allowed my brain a break.

I knew I was close to Wyoming, but not quite there yet. I saw a sign for a campground and pulled onto the dark dirt road, not wanting to drive any further without some sleep. I drove about a mile down the tree-lined road until the trees opened up into a large clearing, a makeshift parking lot that was lined with about ten trucks, cars and vans. I pulled myself in between two vans as to remain inconspicuous and turned off my roaring engine. I looked at my watch before the overhead cab light turned off – it was just coming on two a.m. I had a solid four or five hours of sleep ahead of me before I would begin driving again.

I locked both my door and the passenger door, put my keys safely in my pocket and breathed a long, sad sigh. I grabbed the extra sweater I had brought with me and balled it up, placing it under my head as I laid down on the only seat in the cab of my truck. I had brought one small blanket with me, knowing I would have to sleep at some point, and now I pulled it over my thin frame, the frayed edges just touching the ends of my feet. I tried my best to settle in, the darkness in the car overwhelming the moonlight that was struggling to shine through.

My tears fell silently against the old vinyl interior of the truck, my erratic breathing making me all the more aware of the faint tobacco smell that lingered in my upholstery. I willed myself to stop, to wait until I could be somewhere warmer, somewhere quieter, somewhere that was like home, but they wouldn't stop falling. My body started to heave with deep sorrowful sobs and the tears continued to run until my face was wet against the vinyl and my nose ran along with my tears. All I wanted was for this pain to go away. The pain of knowing that I had hurt not one, but two people that I cared deeply for. That I had up and left everything I had in Forks and abandoned my sanity along with it. It crushed me that I had lied to Charlie and to Renee on so many occasions, and that I had lied to my friends too. But most of all, I could only see Jacob and Edward, during their last moments with me. The hurt and pain I hadn't realized was there came out in my memory.

Edward had been strong but behind his dark eyes, he was intensely morose. I had never seen him that upset, not the day he left me, not ever… I cried for making Edward, my angel, feel so intensely miserable, so unloved, when it was the exact opposite.

And Jacob… my best friend… the sheer pain in his eyes when I wouldn't give him the response he wished for. I couldn't do it and I crushed his hope, his dreams. I could never fix that with Jacob, he would always remember me for hurting him.

I cried until the tears were nothing more than dried, salty tracks down my face and on the seat. My tears were gone, but I was unable to control my body and I heaved and sobbed heavily, my body convulsing under my thin blanket. Just when I thought I was done crying, my own body betrayed me. I let out a low, sorrowful moan, my voice cracking as a new batch of tears began to stream down my face. I had to use my willpower to keep from screaming, just to get some emotion out of my body. But I knew if I did, it would draw attention and I just wanted to lay alone, so I held it in and continued to sob quietly.

I longed to be in someone's arms, to know that at least one of them would be waiting for me when I got back. But I wasn't sure if either of them would, regardless of my choice.

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	8. Chapter 8

**Socialxxhazard ur my favourite lol you always review!!**

**I know there are people reading ;) I see you adding my story to your alerts so please please review – I'd really like to have 3 reviews before I post the next chapter cause I really need feedback :( **

**Sorry for the delay, school is hectic as usual but I'll do my best to get 9&10 up asap after I get those reviews ;) **

I could never have imagined how difficult it would be to be near my Bella and not be able to be with her. It was almost as bad as the few moments where I had no idea where she was or where she was headed, but at least now I was comforted by the fact that she was about 100 feet away from me in her truck.

But hearing her erratic breath and quiet sobs didn't make that comfort any stronger. She cried for almost two hours before her exhaustion overtook her and she fell silent, her breath becoming steady and deep. It was torture knowing that she was in such pain and I couldn't do anything about it. Not only could I not do anything, I wasn't even supposed to know – I felt like I was spying on her, intruding in her life, when all I really wanted was to hold her in my arms.

I slid off the hood of the Mercedes and walked to the back of the car where Emmett was perched against the back fender of the car, staring off into space. I leaned up on the back of the car and Emmett came back to reality, turning his head towards me quickly before he realized it was only his brother and not someone else. He sighed deeply and shook his head.

"And you think staying home would have been harder than this? I may not be in love with Bella, but I love her like family and her sorrow is hurting me too. I never could have imagined that something like this would torture someone to such lengths." Emmett shook his head again, moving his gaze to the ground. He spoke quietly, as to not alert anyone else to our presence in the middle of the woods. Carlisle would be angry that we had taken his Mercedes off-roading.

"At least I know Bella is safe and sound – nothing can hurt her while we're here." I heard certainty in my voice, something I hadn't felt since I had left Bella in the clearing with Jacob only yesterday.

"What about her hurting you Edward?"

I went silent, not wanting to admit that there was a very likely chance that Bella would never return to my arms and that I would live the rest of eternity regretting my decision to do what was best for her. I hadn't given her any option; rather I had been ruthless, taking every single reminder of me from her life with me when I left and I had promised her I would never see her again. I had broken that promise with the pure hope in my heart that she still wanted me in her life and that she could forgive.

"I want her to be happy Emmett, even if it's without me." My statement was true. It would have seemed, at this point in time, that Bella may not be capable of forgiveness.

"And if it's with Jacob?" Emmett's voice soured as he said the dog's name.

I paused for a moment, unsure of how to answer his question. I didn't like Jacob, but I truly just wanted Bella to be happy. It would kill me to leave her once again, but at least this time I would be fueled by the fact that I was not wanted.

"Then so be it. I would rather anyone but him… but you can't help who you fall in love with. I am utterly and impossibly in love with Bella, but if the feelings aren't true, then you can't force them."

I turned my head to stare back at her car in the distance, concentrating on listening to her breathing, equal and soft now. I didn't want to picture her crying herself to sleep, be it over me, over Jacob, over her predicament… No one deserved to feel like that.

I thought carefully; I didn't want to continue talking about Bella. It just made the short distance between us even more unbearable. My mind slipped back to the confrontation earlier at home and I remembered something I had been curious about.

"Emmett."

"What?"

"I'm reluctant to open this topic up… but my curiosity has gotten the better of me." I leaned down further against the back of the car until I was precariously sitting on the small bumper. Emmett followed suit.

"Why does Rosalie hate Bella so much?"

Emmett sighed and put his forearms down on his bent legs and put his head in his hands.

"I just mean –" I continued, not wanting him to close off the subject completely. "She _hates_ Bella – she hasn't even tried to be tolerant of her and ever since she's become a part of our family… Rosalie has been miserable around her. What does she have against her?"

Emmett sighed heavily again and stood up, walking towards the drivers side of the car and opening his door. I walked around to the passenger side and climbed in slowly, not wanting to seem too eager to find out what was going on. Something had always been off with Rosalie since Bella had entered my life. The moment that I had mentioned her to the family, told them that something was different with this human, Rosalie's attitude had changed drastically.

"I'll preface this by saying that I don't know the entire story… I only know what Rosalie has told me in her fits of anger, but they come often enough for me to make sense of them.

"Rosalie was brought to this family to give _you_ a partner, a soul mate, someone to spend the rest of eternity with. Fortunately for me, things didn't work out that way and Rosalie and I came together. But she's never forgotten the rejection she felt when you told her that you just weren't interested in her…" Emmett trailed off for a moment.

"You have to understand Edward that this has always been difficult for me, seeing the position that I am in. My wife has always and will always love you in a way that I cannot imagine to be loved by her – it is both heartbreaking and enraging because _I_ am her _husband_. But I understand that she has faults; that she fell in love as she was told to, and that, at the same time, it was something out of her own control.

"When you met Bella, everything changed. I think Rosalie had still had it in her head that at some point in time, something in you would turn on and that attraction would be there for her. She hides it well, especially with me around to shower with affection, and that she does, but all of this is truly hidden. And for that reason, I must ask that you never tell any of the family what I am telling you now. It would devastate her to know that I had spoken so frankly with you about her personal matters."

"So you're telling me that Rosalie has been waiting all this time for me to change my mind? That when I found Bella, she became, for lack of a better term, jealous?" My voice held a note of incredulity in it, unable to believe the words that Emmett was speaking.

It was such a simple concept, that Rosalie was simply jealous – why had that not crossed my mind before? Perhaps jealousy was such a human emotion to all of us at this point that it was not something we easily identified. Emmett interrupted my thoughts, continuing on.

"I don't think she will ever forgive Bella for taking that chance away from her to be with you. Everyone knows that you are destined to be with Bella, regardless of whether she wishes to be with you, and Rosalie can't stand it. That's where all the rude comments come from, that's why there's tension and that is why she will not allow Bella into her life. She likely won't accept her unless the two of you are married and Bella is changed."

I heard Bella stir in her truck and my eyes shot towards it, to see if she had woken or if she was just restless. I listened carefully and her breathing became soft and rhythmic again and I knew she was still sleeping. I breathed a sigh of relief and laid my head back against the head rest. I would not sleep – I could not – but I would allow myself a moment away from reality, allow my body to relax for a moment before I began to listen for Bella to wake.

"Everything was so much easier when Rosalie and I were in Africa. There was no you to remind her and there was no Bella to make her angry. It worked out so well and then it was Bella's birthday and I knew I wanted to be there. The two of you have had a connection since day one but I've always felt a connection with her too… perhaps it is something rooted in both of us, the need to protect something we value highly. She is one of us to the very core now. I offered to come with you because I was concerned about her as well.

"Don't misunderstand me – I love Rosalie. But seeing how she makes you feel makes me want to protect her even more, so that she can continue to make you feel that way for the rest of her life. Perhaps for the rest of eternity."

"You sound like Bella trying to drop a not-so-subtle hint."

"It's true. You know if she chooses you, she won't let up about wanting to be changed. But that's something between the two of you… although I would not be upset if she truly became a Cullen.

"You're just so different from how you used to be – you're happy Edward. I – and the entire family – would give anything to see that happiness continue. You deserve it."

There was finality in Emmett's voice that made me hold back the comments I was going to add to our conversation. He settled back into his seat and I knew the conversation was over.

What he had said was right – if Bella did choose me, then who would I be to deny her the right to change? I wanted her to experience all of the things I had never experienced before, to truly experience her human existence. But she had always been determined to join me in my eternal damnation.

My head perked as I heard her stir in her car once again – she must have been uncomfortable – and I settled down again once she became quiet. The sun would rise soon and no doubt she would rise with it and move on to her next destination. Her sleep had been restless and superficial – she would be tired but anxious to leave I was sure.

**Review PLEASE:) I'm excited so I'll share – I'm very likely road tripping to Forks, La Push and Portland in May to try to catch up with some stars and check out the scene :) YAY! Review review review please!!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Beware, if you haven't read New Moon than this chapter will likely confuse you!**

**Much thanks to Ashira, Socialxxhazard and hulahips for reviewing! 3**

I sighed deeply and shifted in my seat uncomfortably. I saw Sam roll his eyes out of the corner of my eye and I turned my head towards him.

"What." It wasn't a question – he had been doing that a lot during the past few days and frankly, it was getting on my nerves. I wasn't known for having a good handle on my temper.

Sam shook his head and kept his eyes focused on the television in my living room. I wasn't taking that as an answer this time. I frowned in his direction and realized how familiar it felt – had I been frowning that much lately? I loosened my features a bit, keeping my gaze steady on Sam's face.

"No – what? You keep rolling your eyes and making that face at me when I'm not doing anything. So what is it." It was more of a demand than a question.

Sam sighed, shaking his head to himself and then turned his massive body towards me. He looked funny sitting in the small armchair that accompanied the small couch in my tiny living room. Completely out of proportion with the space – then again, I must have looked equally stupid taking up more than half of the small couch on my own.

"Jacob, I know you're dying for Bella to get back but you and I both know she's going to be gone for a while." Sam had gone to Newton's Olympic Outfitters to get some heavy duty shoes and some new tear away clothes they had gotten in, in hopes that they wouldn't rip to shreds when he transformed. He was the test subject; Billy was anxiously waiting to find out if the new clothes would cut down my expanding clothing budget. It wasn't my fault I could transform easier and faster than the rest of them.

While he was there, he had chatted up that Mike Newton kid and found out that Bella was apparently in Mexico with two girlfriends. After seeing her drive in the opposite direction of the airport, we both knew that was a lie. She had purposely bought herself two weeks to go somewhere far away from Forks – but where?

Sam shifted in his seat and his tear-away pants broke open down his right side. He muttered under his breath and snapped them back up. So far the new pants were holding up, the pair he was wearing now looked a bit beaten up but were otherwise still in one piece. The only downside was the size – extra large was the biggest they had and Sam, being massive, really needed one size bigger. He had some on order down at Newton's and was eagerly awaiting their arrival.

"You need to relax, you're on edge all the time and it's putting me on edge – and I'm sure the other guys all feel it. You've still got four days until we'll be willing to go looking for her so until then your hands are tied." Sam spoke unevenly, as though he didn't want to talk about it with me. I had gotten a sense from the others that they were frustrated with me, so I had purposely stayed away from transforming so I wouldn't have to listen to their thoughts.

I didn't respond to this comment. It was bad enough that I missed Bella more than anything but I had this hope in my gut that she would make the choice to be with the more human of the two of us – meaning me. If Sam hadn't been staying at the house I would likely have come back just to grab some supplies and then gone after her again. Her truck wasn't that fast and I would have been able to catch her within an hour or two.

"Sam…"

"Yeah?"

"I want to know about Leah."

Sam's lips formed into a tight thin line and I saw a vein appear in his neck that wasn't normally there. Normally I would never have had the gall to ask what had happened – after all, I had heard his thoughts, how badly he felt about Leah and about what had happened to Emily. But I needed to talk to someone – the other guys hadn't felt like this about a regular person – sure Embry had imprinted, but that wasn't the same – she was still a kid; and Jared had, but I wasn't really that close with him.

"I… I love Bella with everything I am. I would give anything to be with her and to be the one that makes her happy. But I know she's afraid – hell I'm afraid – that if she chooses me, I'll imprint on someone else…" I trailed off as the thought of hurting Bella made my heart ache.

Sam was quiet, but his face had gone from angry to understanding, or at least it looked understanding, and I knew he was listening to me. I continued on.

"I know you can't choose who you imprint on but… I mean… is it set in fate that I will imprint someday? Or is it by pure coincidence… I just–"

"You just want the hope that it won't happen and that you can live a normal life with the woman you've fallen in love with…" Sam finished my sentence quietly, his face carefully set into a blank expression.

"I love Emily more than life itself and I am tied to her for life, but Leah will always be my first love, and I've never stopped loving her, even since I imprinted on Emily. But you can't control fate Jake… if I could, I would have stayed as far away from Emily as possible so that I couldn't imprint." I looked right at Sam's face now and although it was still carefully blank, his eyes were sad.

"So if I was to never see the person I was going to imprint on, in theory, I wouldn't actually imprint on them? What about imprinting on someone you already know?" Was it actually that easy? Hell if I had Bella, I could easily contain myself within La Push for the rest of my life. She would be free to go where she needed, but I would always be waiting for her here, at home. It was a nice thought.

"In theory, yes. The moment I saw Emily it was all over – the worst part was that I was _with_ Leah when it happened. I couldn't control myself and I had to leave – all the feeling and love I had for Leah, paired with the undeniable desire for Emily was too much. I knew that day that I was going to hurt Leah beyond repair and I still see that on her face to this day.

"Jake you can't control this kind of thing, not being what you are… what we are. Even though it hurt her, Leah understood. We talked after it happened, and she understood, but before that she was… the words broken-hearted don't even begin to describe her pain. I only hoped that I would imprint on someone I literally couldn't be with – then my hands wouldn't be tied."

"Couldn't be with? But once you imprint… its over… you're tied to that person for life. You said so yourself."

"That's true, but sometimes there are circumstances that prevent it from working. C'mon Jake – what would happen if you imprinted on Bella and she was turned in to a vampire? You wouldn't be able to be together… vampires and werewolves are mortal enemies. There are different things… sometimes the person you imprint on doesn't want anything to do with you. If they order you away, and mean it, then you have no option but to do what they wish. It's part of how things work – you'll do whatever it takes to make them happy.

"Sometimes, I wish that Emily had ordered me away, that she hadn't been attracted to me and fallen in love with me. Nothing would have changed – Leah and I could be together now… you have no idea how much it aches inside to still see that pain on her face… to know that I broke her."

Sam's cool exterior cracked and I saw a tremor of pain run across his face – he put his head in his hands and his shoulders heaved up and down once as he tried to catch himself before he lost control. After a moment, he looked back up, his face calm again and looked over at me.

"I love Emily… after everything that's happened… she still loves me, cares for me… and is there for me. I don't know if Leah would have been able to go through all of that with me. I don't know that she would have stayed if I had… attacked her. That's the other problem Jacob… Bella sets something off in you that I can't even begin to describe. Your feelings for her are so intense… I fear that just being with her would set them off."

"But Bella never makes me angry… sure we argue but its all in good fun."

"I don't mean like that. You can change when emotion gets the better of you Jacob – I would fear that if something between you guys happened that was intense… you wouldn't be able to control those emotions and what happened to Emily would happen to Bella. Or worse."

"Never." I shook my head – Bella was too precious for me to ever hurt. I knew that I could restrain myself around her, it had gotten easier the more time we spent together.

"Jake… you can't control who you imprint on – and I'm willing to make a very hefty bet that Bella is just about the last person you would imprint on…"

My face fell. I knew he was likely right – maybe because he'd tried to imprint on Leah, maybe because he didn't think it could happen, or maybe he knew something I didn't. I couldn't keep kidding myself that when Bella came back, she might pick me, but I may not pick her.

Sam stood up and breathed in deeply before he turned to face me.

"Jacob whatever happens… be careful. She may or may not choose you – and if she does, both of us know what could happen if the 'wrong' person walks into your life. This isn't just her choice anymore."

I watched Sam walk away through angry eyes. I had hoped that he would have insight for me, something to tell me that would make this easier, make me understand why she had left. Tell me the things I could say to ease her fears… and yet, as he walked out, I realized I would give anything to never have to feel the way he did about Leah and Emily.

The thought of Bella choosing _him_… it hurt. She was my best friend and I knew, somewhere inside, that if she chose him, she wouldn't be human for much longer. I put my head in my hands and wiped away the wetness that coated my face. Why did I have to fall in love with her?

**I'd definitely like feedback on this one – Jacob's chapters take a lot more effort to put together than Bella's or Edwards… so tell me how I'm doing!! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Many thanks to Ashira, hulahips, Dr34ming, and of course, SocialxxHazard for reviewing! 3 Sorry this one took so long! I was away with no internet :( Enjoy!**

I had woken from a very restless sleep in the cab of my truck the morning after crying myself to sleep, disoriented and almost scared. After a moment, I gathered my bearings, sat up and looked around. It was light, but only enough so that you could tell the sun had risen just before I had. I pulled my watch out of my bag and saw that it was quarter after six in the morning. Going back to sleep now wouldn't be an option. I opened my door, stepped out into the crisp morning air and stretched my limbs. There was at least another two days of driving ahead of me before I would be able to feel the comforts of a soft bed and a hot shower.

The second day of driving hadn't been as bad; there were more major cities, more landmarks to look at on my way to Florida. I wasn't particularly interested in seeing any of them, but at least after this trip I would have something to talk about.

I had driven to a city called Independence in Missouri and stopped there for the night. I couldn't find anywhere to camp out for the night in my car, so I resigned myself to spend some of the little money I had on a room for the night. I arrived at a Red Roof Inn at the same time as a large group of travelers, about half of them the same age as me, and in a moment of intelligence and stealth, was able to park my truck along with theirs without seeming inconspicuous. If I had simply pulled into the lot alone and not emerged from out of my truck, someone would have noticed.

As they took their luggage up to their rooms, I had curled up with my blanket and makeshift pillow and did my best to sleep. I was up early again the next morning, somewhat pleased with myself for holding it together the night before. Knowing I was closing in on my destination was causing adrenaline to pump through my veins, and I knew that the rest of the drive wouldn't be as bad as the first two days. However, I knew the drive back would likely be tortuous.

On my second day of driving, I had managed to push my old truck past 60 miles per hour and had made some good time. I figured I could do the same on the third day without my truck complaining too much and I made the last leg of the trip rather quickly. I relished being able to roll down my window as the weather got warmer as I went further south. The wind whipped through my hair and with my arm resting on the door, hand hanging out the truck, I savored the feeling of freedom I had at that moment. I was alone, in my own truck, making my own destiny, or sort of at least. I took a deep breath of the fresh air streaming into my truck and smiled for the first time in days.

My mom lived in an area called Neptune Beach along the coast of the Atlantic on Birch Court, a small street that contains about seven rather brightly colored houses. Hers is on the left-hand side of the court, a small bungalow with a pretty front yard and a beautiful white front porch. The beach is only a five or ten minute walk, depending on what route you take, and you can hear the ocean everywhere in the house. It wasn't home to me, but it would do for the time being.

It had been very late when I had arrived in Jacksonville; by the time I had reached the city centre, it had been well past midnight, making navigation in the suburban areas a bit more difficult. It took me a while to find my mom's house, driving on my own this time, as mom and Phil had picked me up from the airport the last time. But the key was where she had said she would leave it and as I slid it into the lock, I breathed a sigh of relief. Not for the reason that the key worked, but rather that I was somewhere that felt like home again – the humid air, the sound of the ocean at the beach… was comforting. I pushed open the door and slowly walked into the house still worried that mom would be there and wonder why I was in Jacksonville instead of Mexico.

I was met with silence and darkness. I slowly walked through the house, peeking my head into the master bedroom, half expecting to see mom and Phil sleeping quietly. But their bed was neatly made, everything in place. I sighed, half in relief that I was alone and hadn't been found out, and half in disappointment. It would have been nice to see my mom and Phil after all this time. I walked into the empty living room and flopped onto their cushy, pale yellow and white couch and looked around. I had only been down to Jacksonville once, shortly after my "accident" of falling down two flights of stairs and out a window. Mom had tried to get me to stay longer, but two days away from Edward had been too much. To think, how attached we had been at that point… and now half a year later, everything had changed.

I caught myself yawning and willed myself to move to the bedroom that had been claimed as mine, even though it remained permanently vacant. I walked to the front door and locked it carefully, taking the key and sliding it into my pocket, not having anywhere better to put it for the time being. My duffel bag was lying in the hallway with my blanket and the crumpled map that I had used as my navigation. I struggled to bend over and pick everything up, exhaustion finally creeping over me. I heaved my stuff into my arms and stumbled down the hallway, my exhaustion tipping off my clumsiness. I pushed the door open and threw my stuff on the floor in front of my bed and walked around the room to the window, looking out for a moment at the quiet street, and then shut the blinds tightly. I crawled under the warm covers, not bothering to take off the jeans and t-shirt I had been wearing since early this morning and curled up into a ball, ignoring the sense of loneliness that overcame me.

I never knew that missing him would feel like this.

**A/N: Please note that all of her travels and the timing from place to place are indeed accurate (as much as possible without having made the trip myself!) :) The street that she lives on does exist in Jacksonville, in Neptune Beach, and it is indeed right near the ocean :)**

**I'm struggling with chapter 11 so that one may be a few days before I sort it out! My coworker read it and said it wasn't my best :( and you guys deserve my best writing so I'm going to rewrite it! There's some interesting stuff planned for the next few chapters! I'll get it to you asap:D**


	11. Authors NotePreview

Sorry no chapter yet :(

**Sorry no chapter yet :(**

**It's that time of year so things are getting busy but even when I have time to write, I'm stuck on this chapter. Like reeeeally stuck. I know what I want to happen but its not coming out right. Don't give up on me ;) I'll come through soon with the new chapter and hopefully more than one at once since I've kept you all waiting!**

**On that note, I think I'm going to have to deviate from the outline that I've had the entire time (Bella, Edward, Jacob, etc) in order to make this work – anyone have a problem with that? :)**

**I'll update soon! Thanks for reading!**

**In the meantime, here's a peek into the future from Bella's point of view in the future (this comes from the epilogue, so whatever happens in my story ;) this is after the story ends)… **

And then it began; slowly, the sweet melody filling the air. I stood at the edge of the dance floor, and slowly moved forward, making sure not to trip, or to stumble; rather, to be as graceful as my body would let me in this moment. I didn't feel the nervousness I'd felt thinking of this moment earlier today. I looked forward to being in his arms again, being able to show how much I loved him to everyone watching.

I took one more step, completely closing the distance between us. He took my hand gently in his and held it for a moment, before lifting it to his mouth, gently kissing the inside of my wrist before spinning me slowly into his arms. Never had I felt so graceful, so beautiful, and so loved by any one person.

This was the moment I had waited for all day; we'd said our vows in front of our family and friends, we'd had our first kiss as man and wife, but this… this was something special.

**Hope I haven't given anything away ;) I'll update soon!!**


	12. Chapter 11

**So sorry this has taken so long! Explanation is at the end of the chapter and I'll do my best to get more out soon! Many thanks to my reviewers: socialxxhazard, angelgirl44, twlightforeternity63801, mrsedwardcullenxxx and Hannahmilkweed! This one is from a new POV… I wonder who?**

We followed Bella all the way across the states and right into downtown Jacksonville before we increased our distance from her truck. Edward was fidgety, especially for someone who was very good at sitting very still for long periods of time. I had tried to get a conversation started but Edward wasn't having it – so I turned on some upbeat music and let the music take the place of a proper conversation.

I stayed well back as we got closer to the shoreline because there was less and less cars as we got closer to the beach. Our windows were down halfway, the humid breeze gently flowing into the car. Bella's truck began to slow and she put on her signal to turn right. Edward tensed, sensing we were close to her mother's home and I slowed further as she made her turn and waited a few seconds, keeping the truck in sight, before I made an identical turn and continued following her.

She made another right turn a few moments later and slowed right down, pulling her truck into the driveway of a pale yellow house with a white wooden veranda. After a moment, she put the truck into park and turned it off – the neighborhood went quiet as the rumbling echoed dully against the houses. I nodded to myself, memorizing the way to her house and the way it looked before I continued going straight.

I glanced at Edward out of the corner of my eye as I tried to find a hotel close to Bella's mother's home. For someone who typically looked flawless, as we all did, he looked tired, weary and visibly stressed. His eyes were dark and the circles underneath them where uncharacteristically dark.

"Should we find a place to hunt?" We had hunted near the campground Bella had stayed at near Wyoming; I wasn't really interested in hunting but perhaps it would help get Edwards mind off of Bella.

"I'm not in the mood Emmett. Let's find a hotel, I need to get out of this car for a while." Edwards voice was firm and final so I didn't bother to press it any longer. I was used to silence; when Rosalie got angry or upset, we wouldn't talk for days. But with Edward I wasn't used to it.

We drove around for about half an hour, trying to find a hotel that was as close to Bella's mother's house as possible. We finally found one and checked in for one night – we would add more days if necessary. I walked to the bed furthest away from the window and put my overnight bag down on it – clearly, this bed would not be used for sleeping. I turned off the lights to give the impression that we were sleeping to those that could see the light in our window and under the door.

As I lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, I could hear Edwards' ragged breath. We had all become used to breathing, for appearances' sake, and now not breathing was uncomfortable. A part of me knew that Edward was trying to plot a way to see Bella, even if he didn't make contact with her, but I wouldn't allow it. It was bad enough that he had insisted on coming here with me in tow, but I had promised Esme and Carlisle that I would keep Edward away from Bella.

Edward could very easily send her over the edge if he showed up on her doorstep or worse, push her closer to Jacob. I loved Bella like my sister; she was perfect for Edward and they were meant to be together, but even I knew that right now was not the time for Edward to force himself into her life, for his well-being or for hers.

"You know it's nice not having to be around Alice right now… It gets tiring having her seeing my future and predicting things all the time. I guess that's what it must be like for all of you, having to know that I can hear your thoughts all the time." It was one of the first times in about a day that Edward had spoken on his own accord, and not just in response to something I had said.

"It can difficult to keep your guard up over your private thoughts at all times. That's why Rosalie and I take vacations here and there… we like to have our own time together and the freedom of our own thoughts."

Edward went silent and my mind wandered into dangerous territory; there was no time like the present to tell Edward but I hadn't intended it at this very moment. Although Bella had always seemed to think herself as ordinary, she was indeed, quite extraordinary. I had seen her before Edward, the day that she had moved into town. I was chasing Rosalie through the woods in a high-speed game of manhunt when I had slowed near Charlie's house. She had run right past it at full speed and, although he wasn't all that quick, if Charlie had seen something that fast running through the woods, he certainly would have questioned it and gone to investigate. He never would have found us, but the possibility was still there.

I had lurked in the woods as she stepped out of the cruiser and looked around and although I already had the love of my life, my breath was taken away. I could smell her sweet scent from quite a distance and after taking four steps forward in her direction, I stopped myself just before the edge of the woods where I would be seen. Trying to explain why I was hiding in the woods behind the police chief's house would be difficult.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Edwards voice came out of the silence, slightly accusing and a bit morose.

"I didn't think it was important; people come in and out of Forks all the time."

"After all this time? You've purposely not thought about that day… why?"

I heard Edward roll over towards me and sit up on his bed. I stayed lying down and carefully maneuvered my thoughts to remain within the conversation. I wasn't about to let him know all of the other things I had thought of Bella and that I had stayed out late that evening to watch her from the forest.

"It doesn't matter."

Edward sighed and stood up, turning his body away from me and towards the door. He knew I wasn't being forthcoming, but he didn't press any more details and I was glad. Edwards rational side had good timing.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I need to get out of this room.

"_Edward._"

I spoke in my mind and I knew he couldn't pretend not to hear me. I wondered if he expected me to just let him leave without so much as a word.

"I can't be here right now. I need to do something, to go somewhere. It's driving me crazy knowing I'm six blocks away from her and I can't be near her."

"_Stay. Just relax for a while. Bella is sleeping, nothing is going to happen and if you think it will I'll go and make sure things are fine. But you can't go to her… you need to leave her be. Sit back down Edward._"

"No I can't do that…"

"Call Esme. We need to let her know that we're okay. It'll take your mind off things." I spoke out loud now, knowing that the thought of Esme worrying would get to Edward, no matter how much he needed to leave.

"We'll go down to the beach after you get off the phone with Esme, go for a walk. Enjoy the change in weather."

Edward nodded slowly, likely realizing I wouldn't let him go without a fight, and that fight would wake the entire hotel.

"You're not going to make this easy for me are you?" he asked quietly, dialing the numbers with his thumb.

"_Not a chance."_

**Emmets POV is different for what the story has been and I've struggled with this chapter for weeks. Hopefully the next few come into being easily! Review please :) I'll get the next few chapters out asap – currently in the middle of graduating from University so that's kinda important ;)**


	13. Chapter 12

**Thank you to my reviewers: socialxxhazard and jacobluver4ever! Much appreciated guys!**

I pulled my car into the dirt driveway of Bella's house and cut the engine quickly. Charlie was already home and through the open window I could hear the sports game Charlie was watching inside. I saw the curtains push over slightly and then fall back into place.

Sam had convinced me to wait until Bella was supposed to arrive back from "Mexico"; if she needed the full two weeks he said, give her the full two weeks. I had started to argue but he pointed out that giving her space and time was probably for the best and if I found her, explaining why I was there would be difficult.

Wherever there was.

I stepped out of my car and shut the door lightly; I had already unhinged it yesterday in my frustration with myself and the situation with Bella. It had taken two hours to fix; luckily I was good at fixing things these days – my anger and frustration had done a lot of damage around the house. I sucked in a deep breath of air and loped towards Charlie's house, trying not to look like I was on a mission. I didn't want him to think that the only reason I had come was to talk about Bella, event though that was the honest truth.

The door was open before I had even raised my hand to knock. I looked down to see Charlie with a big smile on his face, holding the door open for me.

"Hey Charlie, how's it going?"

"Not too bad Jacob, c'mon in, I'm just making something for dinner, you hungry?"

"Sure, thanks Charlie." I smiled back at him and stepped inside, shutting the door behind me. I followed Charlie into the kitchen and leaned up against the counter.

"Lasagna? Wow Charlie, Bella has always said you weren't much of a cook, but that smells great!" I was impressed; Charlie didn't seem like the kind of person who could fend for himself, but he'd done a pretty good job from what I smelled. My stomach rumbled and I realized I would have to watch myself here; I couldn't pig out like at home. Charlie would think I was nuts if I ate the entire pan of lasagna, which I was tempted to do.

Charlie's face went a bit red and he looked back at the pan.

"Ah… Sue Clearwater was kind enough to bring this over for me this afternoon."

"Hey, its food right? I won't tell Bella." I chuckled and winked at Charlie. He laughed and his shoulders relaxed. He turned around and pulled out two plates for us, cutting each of us a sizeable chunk of lasagna.

"I'll take these into the other room if you want to grab something to drink. I've already got a beer open." Charlie picked up the two plates and motioned towards the fridge with the plate in his right hand before walking out of the kitchen.

I leaned over and pulled the fridge door open to grab something to drink and saw a bunch of Tupperware and Corningware containers in the fridge. Sue must have been providing Charlie with food since Bella left; there was enough food to feed him for the rest of the time Bella was supposed to be away. I grabbed a soda off the side door and shut the fridge, cracking it open as I walked back into the living room and sat down in the armchair beside Charlie.

After we'd both polished off two pieces of lasagna, Charlie leaned back onto the couch and sighed in gratification.

"Help yourself to more Jacob."

"No, no. I'm fine. Thanks for dinner Charlie." The game went into halftime and Charlie turned down the volume some, taking another swig of his beer and finishing the bottle off.

"So have you heard from Bella?" I tried to sound nonchalant but I knew Charlie would see right through me. He turned his head and raised his eyebrow to me with a smirk on his face.

"Yes, I talked to her yesterday evening. She seems to be having a good time with the girls; she didn't talk for too long, just called to let me know things have been good since she arrived and that she misses me."

I breathed a sigh of relief inside knowing that she was okay. At least she had called Charlie so that he wouldn't worry. Something inside me nagged that I wished she had called me, but I shook my head and pushed the thought away. She wouldn't call unless she had made her choice; clearly she had not.

"What's going on with the two of you anyways?"

"Well… I don't know really I guess." I didn't want to just open up and pour everything out on Charlie unless he was willing to hear it. He turned his body towards me and I knew that he at least wanted to know what was going on. This was my shot.

"Well… I know Bella and Edward are…."

"Together." Charlie finished my sentence. I nodded and continued.

"Yeah… but Bella is my best friend and, if I can be perfectly honest with you, knowing you're her dad… I love her. I'm not willing to let her go and I just don't know how to make her see it."

"I think she already does Jake." Charlie's responded. My eyes shot up to meet his.

"What do you mean?"

"Ever since Edward left last year, you've been a huge part of her life; I don't think she takes that for granted for one second. You've been her lifeblood for so long, she can't just forget that. I don't know how she feels about you–"

"I know she loves me back." I blurted out, cutting Charlie off. I continued on.

"I know she's in love with Edward but I know she loves me too. We got into a fight before she left… I just hope I haven't hurt her and pushed her further away from me." A little white lie couldn't hurt that much. What had happened was far from a fight; it had been a standoff, me versus Edward versus Bella. And Bella had left us both hanging.

"I wouldn't worry about it too much Jake; Bella can hold a grudge for a while but I'm sure being out with the girls in Mexico will help to clear her head. I'm sure when she comes back, she'll barely remember the fight at all."

Apparently Charlie didn't know Bella as well as he thought he did. She stayed mad at me for a very long time on multiple occasions. Given, the reasoning was good for the most part, like the time I had kissed her, provoking her to punch me and breaking her hand. But still, Bella didn't let things like this go.

"Do you want my advice Jake? Sweep her off her feet. Edward seems to have a way of doing that without putting too much effort in… sometimes I think he has Bella under his charm. It worries me. Don't get me wrong, I like Edward. But between you and me, I like you better for Bella, Jacob. I think you would take good care of my little girl."

"I think so too Charlie."

"Look, she's due back on Friday night sometime; they flew out of Seattle so she'll have to drive back. If I were in your shoes," he raised his eyebrows at me. "I would be waiting for her with flowers and an apology for the fight, whether it was your fault or not. And be honest with her and tell her how you feel. If all else fails, kiss her – you seem to be good at that." Charlie laughed at his last comment and I chucked along with him.

"Sounds like a plan Charlie. Look, I'm going to leave you to your game. The second half is starting and I'd better head out."

"You sure? You're more than welcome to stay."

"I'll leave you to it Charlie. Have a good night, and thanks again."

As I walked out the front door, I realized that although Charlie's advice was simple, it was good advice. I had never done anything for Bella to actually sweep her off her feet and I was sure Edward had done enough. Maybe all I needed was to show Bella that I would be there for her no matter what and that she was worth everything in the world to me. She already loved me; if I could show her that I was worth it, I might just be able to win her heart back.

**Please review so I know how I'm doing :) All comments are appreciated, good and bad! Hoping to post another chapter or two tonight, if not tomorrow night for sure! **


	14. Chapter 13

**Thanks to my reviewers, socialxxhazard and ****Krazy-vampire-freak3065****!**

I bolted up in my bed, breathing hard and covered in sweat. Another nightmare. I slowed my breathing carefully and pushed the covers aside. This hadn't happened in a long time; I didn't miss having nightmares on a nightly basis.

I glanced over at the clock on the table and saw that it was around four-thirty in the morning. It felt too early to get up out of bed and start the day but I figured a walk on the beach would clear my head a bit. Maybe if I stayed out in the air for a while, I would be tired when I got back and go back to bed.

I swung my legs out of the bed and fished around in the dark for my sweatpants and sweatshirt. With no reason to go out, I had lived in my two pairs of sweats for the past week. I yanked them on and felt around with my feet for my running shoes. Once I slid them on, I got up out of bed, stretched my arms over my head and felt my way to the bathroom.

It had only taken me a few days of sleeplessness to become accustomed to the darkness in my mom's house. I hadn't spent a lot of time in this house, so it wasn't as familiar to me as Charlie's, but bumping around in the dark every night had taught me the clear path to the kitchen, bathroom and front door. I flicked the light on in the bathroom as I walked in and squinted as the lights blinded me.

I grabbed my toothbrush, loaded it up with toothpaste and started brushing away. I looked up into the mirror and saw the same tired, weary face as last night. I sighed and continued brushing my teeth with my right hand, while pulling out my hair elastic with the left. After I was finished, I quickly ran a brush through my hair, splashed some water on my face and headed out to the beach.

I missed Forks and its predictable weather patterns; out of the seven days I had been in Jacksonville, two had been incredibly hot and unbearably humid, three had been pleasant and two had been overcast and raining. The days that it had been overcast had been the two days I had ventured into town to get food and supplies. I didn't want my mom knowing I'd been here without her; she would be upset that I had come at a time when I knew she would be away. I had done my best to utilize my own food stores until I ran out and not to use her toilet paper. So far the only way you could tell I had been in her house was the mess on the floor of my room and the full garbage bag in the garage that I would take with me to cover my tracks if necessary.

As I got down to the beach, I pulled off my sneakers and sunk my feet into the cold sand. This was one of the best parts of the day; no matter how hot it would get during the day, it was always cool and breezy down by the ocean before the sun rose. I walked for about ten minutes until I was no longer near houses; this was the last stretch of public beach before everything was private and lined with no trespassing signs. I slid down into the sand close to the water and pulled my knees up to my chin.

What the hell was I going to do?

I had been here for seven days and I was no closer to figuring out what I wanted when I returned home. I only had four days left before I would have to leave to drive myself back home in time to make it before Jessica and Angela's plane would land. I would have to catch them before they went home and tell them to cover for me; I didn't think it would pose a problem. Angela would do it and if Jessica couldn't think of a reason why not to, she would too.

I pushed my thoughts back to my problem; thinking about people other than Edward and Jacob was not a smart idea at the moment. I needed to figure this out.

I traced my fingers through the sand on my right side and picked up a small seashell, twirling it in my hand. Okay time to break this down.

Edward… I loved Edward to my very core. He was everything I had ever wanted or needed and with him, I felt whole. But I was still broken from when he left me. I couldn't bear to have that happen again; to go through that pain. I wasn't sure I would even be able to live through it if it happened a second time. I knew that if I chose Edward, Jacob wouldn't be there to catch me when it happened again.

IF it happened again.

But Jacob... I loved Jacob for everything he had been to me and done for me. He was my best friend, but he was more than that. I felt an ache when I was away from him or when I couldn't be near him. When we had kissed… it was like fire inside my body. He ignited a flame inside me that I had never felt with Edward and I had to admit, it felt good.

The promise of a normal future was drawing me away from Edward. I had never been the kind of girl who dreamed of growing up and having children and being married and settled. It wasn't in my cards; at least I had thought it wasn't. But the idea of marrying Jacob and having his children and living a regular life was actually kind of appealing. I also knew that Jacob would never rush me into marrying him or having kids. He would be content to have me, and just me, if that was what I wanted. Not that Edward wouldn't, but at least with Jacob, I had some options.

And Charlie would love it if I chose Jacob.

But this wasn't about Charlie. This was about me. I had to remind myself of that. If I made a choice that didn't make me happy, I would literally ruin my life and that of two other people. I didn't want to be unhappy anymore. I had been so unhappy for so very long, being torn apart by these feelings inside and having to hide everything. It had been a time when I had felt so grateful that Edward couldn't hear my thoughts. The number of times my thoughts had wandered to Jacob and the urge to be with him, to be in his arms… it would have killed Edward to know.

I matched well with them both; Edward was rational with me, while Jacob let me live as recklessly as I wanted. It was like two different halves of me fit perfectly with two different men. This was getting more and more ridiculous the more I thought about it. I had to just choose one of them or walk away from them both. Someone was going to get hurt, if not all three of us. I was afraid that I had already hurt everyone too much to repair it, regardless of who I chose. Either one of them would be hurt that they hadn't been my first and only choice; and I would have to cut someone out of my life that I cared deeply about.

The breeze blew harder and I realized that I had tears streaming down my face. I wiped them away with the sleeve of my sweater and rested my head back against my knees. It was still dark out, just the sounds of the ocean gently hitting the sand. What I wouldn't give for a distraction right about now…

Not only was this about choosing a person, it was about choosing a life. If I chose Edward, I would so badly need to become a vampire. I couldn't be with him knowing that I would get old and wither away in front of him; if we were together I needed to be immortal, so that we would be together forever. That in itself was a hard choice to make, but I knew that I would be ready for it if I chose Edward.

If I chose Jacob, I could keep my friends, my family and my home. I wouldn't have to change who I was and I wouldn't have to pretend I didn't exist to the people who loved me so dearly. I wouldn't have to lie to my parents or see them hurt when I never returned home.

I remembered Jacobs words to me the day that I had left. _If you can't love me the way I love you then we can't be. That's a special kind of love… I want that with you but I want you to love me like that. _The problem was that I did love Jacob with enough passion, completely, that the choice was that much harder. But Edward and I were different… it wasn't so much just being in love, it had always felt like I had found my other half in him, like I was complete.

I had played Edward and Jacobs words over in my head all week but nothing helped. I almost wished Edward had said something more grounding, more final, so that I could be sure he still wanted me after everything I had put him through. _I trust you, Bella, to make the decision that's right for you. Not for me, not for Jacob, but the choice that will ultimately make you happy_. I knew that Edward wanted me to be happy, but if I didn't choose him, would he still be a part of my life? Would Jacob let him?

My choice was either the rest of my life, or the rest of eternity.

**Please review and let me know how I'm doing! Bella has to make her choice soon, but what will she choose? Jacob? Edward? Or neither? New chapter to be posted tonight! Please review!! Thanks all for reading!!**


	15. Chapter 14

**Thank you to my reviewers hulahips and Jacobluver4ever! Hope everyone enjoys this chapter, building up to what's going to happen is killing me; I've known what was going to happen for WEEKS! Enjoy!!**

I had to get rid of Emmett.

Being stuck here in Jacksonville for over a week, knowing that Bella was only a few miles away was slowly killing me. I was beginning to think that I would have been better off waiting for her in Forks, like Alice and Rosalie had suggested.

I paced back and forth inside our room and Emmett groaned.

"Get out of the way of the TV. If you're going to pace, pace the room the other way, or go by the door or something."

"Sorry if I'm getting a little claustrophobic in this room. Since I'm not allowed to leave unless under your watch it's a little hard for me _not_ to be anxious right now, Emmett." I tried my hardest not to be sarcastic but I knew I had failed miserably.

Our usually polite demeanor had begun to deteriorate after the third day; spending this much time with Emmett took its toll. We normally got along great but being in such a small space and so limited was difficult. Knowing Emmett was guarding his thoughts from me also made me wonder what he was trying not to think about and having Bella on my mind constantly was making things worse. The entire situation was frustrating beyond belief.

The more time I spent away from Bella and the more time I thought about her, the more I felt like I couldn't quite remember her as she really was. How her beautiful face looked, her petite body that fit in the crook of my arm just perfectly, her laugh, her scent, and the sound of her beginning to breathe again after I kissed her. Most of all, I missed hearing the sound of her heart beating, going from fast to slow and back to fast when she was excited. I felt like I hadn't heard that sound in decades.

I absolutely had to get rid of Emmett and go see her.

I looked at Emmett out of the corner of my eye; he looked tired and thirsty. There were dark circles under his eyes and they were a deep shade of black. A lightbulb went off in my head.

"Let's hunt."

Emmetts' eyebrows perked up and he swung his feet off the bed, flipping off the television as he rose to his feet.

"I am so down with hunting right now. Let's get the map out."

I knew where I wanted to take him but I played along, discussing the best possible places to hunt around here. There wasn't any big game that would satisfy either of us here, so I gently suggested we head northwest and see what we could find. I pointed to a point on the map and after studying it Emmett nodded and folded the map back up. He pulled on his boots and we prepared to head out. It had been overcast and rainy and although the sun was far from setting, we would be fine to go outdoors at this time of the day. It would be nice to have some fresh air.

We walked out of the hotel and climbed into the car; we couldn't start running in the city, it would be too conspicuous. We drove north for about an hour and parked our car outside a public campsite, doing our best to look as though we were going for a hike at dusk. We saw a family come out of the path and smiled, waving at them. They waved back and headed for their car.

I hoped this wouldn't be hard.

"I'll lead. I have a better sense of direction than you." I did my best to chuckle in Emmett's direction. He nodded slowly; I was certain he intended to follow me closely so that I couldn't break away from him to go to Bella.

"Sure, I'll follow behind you, but I'll lead on the way back." He pulled the map out of his pocket and unfolded it to show the massive span of woodlands we were headed for.

"We'll stop here and scout the area for humans and go from there. If we have to, we can go more north. I don't think we'll have any problems."

I nodded in agreement and started into the woods at a brisk human pace. Once we were covered by the woods, I increased my pace to a light run and then into a full blown sprint. I could hear Emmett trying to keep up behind me, swearing under his breath. I was a much faster runner than Emmett was, but I kept my pace steady for another half an hour. We were well out of Jacksonville when I sped up again and heard Emmett begin to fall back. Now that he was almost out of view, I sprinted my fastest and in an instant he was gone. I quietly veered to my left and slowed my pace. It would be hard to tell when Emmett passed, but within thirty seconds, a black flash went by me so fast, it barely moved the leaves on the ground.

I waited for a few moments to see if he would turn around to come find me, but the forest was still. I nodded to myself and turned in the opposite direction and headed back to Jacksonville. I wouldn't have much time, at most an hour and a half, until Emmett realized what I was up to. After that it would be time to go home; I couldn't take it anymore. If I couldn't have Bella and be with her right now, I would need to go home for some sanity.

Emmett would be angry, but he would understand. I sprinted through the forest as fast as possible until I began to recognize the area where I'd first started to run. The sun was closer to setting now so I quickly made my way to the car and got in, shoving the keys in the ignition and turning the car on. I had grabbed Carlisle's extra set before we left, just in case, and I was grateful that I had thought of it in advance.

As I ripped out of the parking lot at top speed, I felt my mood start to change. The thought of seeing Bella, if only for a moment, was enough to satisfy my thirst and dull the aching in my chest.

**Please review! Let me know how I'm doing and whether you like things so far! Apparently I have some Jacob fans out there but you'll all have to wait and see who Bella chooses, if anyone… ;) Review review review please!! Thanks!**


	16. Chapter 15

**Many thanks to my reviewers: Krazy-vampire-freak3065, Jacobluver4ever, mrsedwardcullenxx and xxtaylorcxx.**

"Can you seriously stop thinking about her for any span of time longer than five minutes? Geez Jacob…" Embry rolled his eyes and a disgusted look came over his face.

"Screw you." I muttered under my breath.

Embry got up from his place beside me in the garage and walked out the open doors into the rain. I looked down and shook my head in frustration, putting my head into my hands.

Everyone had lost their patience long ago but was too polite to express it. There were four days left until Bella was due to arrive back and she was all I could think about. Then again, she was all I had been thinking about since she left. But after a week and a half of straight Bella on my mind, the pack was getting pretty sick of it.

Leah had already told me off and wasn't speaking to me, Quil had stopped hanging around my house last week, Sam was getting short with me and now Embry had left me. I couldn't help it; I was so truly in love with Bella, I was beginning to wonder how I had or would live without her.

I sighed deeply trying to think of what to do with myself. It was hard enough to concentrate on a conversation with anyone, let alone keep my mind preoccupied. I paced all day long, waiting for the minutes and hours to pass and I was up all night, thinking of the things I could have said, I should have said and the things I would say.

I was sick of feeling like this; I just wanted to know, one way or another. I felt like I was being tortured. I loved her too much for my own good; I had come to that realization two nights ago when I was running through the woods around three in the morning. I had come to the cliffs and stopped, staring out at the water, wondering if she was thinking of me at that very moment. We had stood here together and I came here often just to think about her.

Sleep was no long necessary for me; it only happened when I laid down on my bed and forced my eyes to shut. I had lost some weight over the past two weeks and Emily was desperately trying to force food down my throat every chance she got. Even I knew that this wasn't healthy, and I was aching for Bella to come home so that I could figure my own life out, whether it was with her or without her.

"Ahem…"

I looked up and saw Sam standing in the doorway of the garage, rain dripping out of his hair onto the floor. I wondered how long he had been standing there.

"We need to talk."

I nodded, looking back down at the ground and motioned with my hand to the place where Embry had been sitting not ten minutes earlier. I knew this wasn't going to be a comfortable conversation; stuff like this with Sam never was.

"Jacob… I know my situation doesn't exactly sympathize with yours but I'm going to give you some advice and I seriously hope you decide to take it."

"Okay…" I didn't have much of a choice either way so there was no point in fighting it; who knew, maybe the advice would be useful.

"You need to change and you need to get away from here." His voice was firm and final.

"Whoa! What the hell?" I was offended – who was Sam to order me away because I was having personal problems?

"Don't take it like that…" Sam's voice softened. "I just know that it was easier for me when everything happened with Leah and Emily. The day the accident happened Emily had come to find me… I had been gone for well over a week and everyone thought I had gone missing. I mistook her for someone else and… well you know the rest. But I think that you need to get some of this frustration and anger out; use your other form to do it. Your head will be clearer as a wolf."

I took a deep breath in and considered what he was saying. If I couldn't go after Bella, and there would be no point now unless she didn't come back, I would go crazy. I was already going nuts in my head, it wouldn't be long before I started acting like a crazy person on the outside. Maybe it would be easier to be a wolf for a while.

"If it doesn't work for you then come back to us here, but you need to get away from the constant reminders and honestly, the pack needs a break. At least when I had all of this going on, there wasn't anyone else in my thoughts too. I know you can't get away from it, but that means we can't either. We'll keep an eye out for Bella, in case she comes home early and we'll let you know. Just think about it Jacob."

Sam stood up and put his hand on my shoulder before walking out into the rain and disappearing just like Embry had.

Maybe that was the answer for now… I could keep track of the days until Friday came, stay in a decent range of the house. I walked back to the house in the rain, enjoying the cooling feeling on my hot back. I stood outside for a moment, breathing in and out steadily as the rain soaked through my clothes and hair.

And then I was off.

**I know this one is a bit shorter than usual :( I'm going to deviate from the regular swing of things for a chapter or two and then get back to what everyone is used to ;) keep your eyes peeled for the next installment! I'm getting excited to write it! Please review! It really makes me want to write more because I know people are reading it - good stuff/bad stuff/whatever :) Just let me know if I'm doing okay! Thanks again guys!**


	17. Chapter 16

**Thank you to my reviewers: serinitylena, blerrrrrgh and xxtaylorcxx. I know reviewing gets really tedious but I appreciate every single one of them :)**

I pulled the car into the lot at the hotel and locked the doors, jogging to the room. I only had a small amount of time before Emmett would come looking for me and I needed to make sure I covered all my bases before I went anywhere. I hopped up the stairs two at a time, only as fast as a regular human could go, and walked quickly down the hallway to our room. I stopped before my hand was on the handle, hoping that Emmett hadn't gotten wise to me and would be waiting in the room for me. I slid the keycard into the door and pushed it open when the little light on the lock turned green.

I opened the door cautiously and saw an empty room in front of me; I breathed a sigh of relief. I ran in and grabbed my wallet and cell phone, dropping the car keys on the nightstand where Emmett would find them. I scribbled a note to him on the hotel paper quickly, letting him know that I was heading home and that I couldn't wait any longer. Hopefully, by the time he got the note I would be far enough across the country that Alice would be able to see my intentions to come home.

I signed it quickly and left the note underneath the bedside light, turning the light on so that Emmett would clearly see the keys and the note together. I maneuvered my way between the beds and back to the door, shutting it quietly behind me and making sure it was locked. Emmett could bring my bags back for me; I wouldn't need to change clothes as I wasn't going to make any stops on my way home.

It had been overcast but still light when we left the hotel, but by the time I had arrived back, it was closer to dusk and as I walked out into the parking lot, I could feel that the end of the day was closing in. I had one pit stop to make and then I would be off to Bella's mother's house to… well I hadn't figured out what I was going to do yet. I would formulate a plan when I got there. I walked as quickly as I could into the outskirts of downtown Jacksonville, looking for the store that I had spotted on our way into town. I only hoped it was open and that I wouldn't have to break in.

I rounded the corner and passed by a fast food chain, a clothing boutique and then I found it. The open sign was on and there was a plain looking girl behind the counter, flipping the pages of a magazine. I pulled the door open and walked up to the counter. After a moment, the girl stopped reading and looked up at me, her eyes widening as they fell on my face. I smiled at her and she attempted a smile back at me.

"Ho-how can I help you?" she stuttered on the first word and then collected herself, her voice lowering a few tones into an attempt at sexiness.

I pointed behind her at what I wanted and her eyes fell as she turned around and took it down from its container. She wrapped it over and punched a few numbers into the till; I handed her a ten dollar bill and told her to keep the change as I bolted from the store. As I walked back the way I came, I saw her standing still behind the cash, watching me leave, the ten still in her hand. I chuckled to myself and walked a bit faster.

As I turned onto the street before Bella's, the streetlights came on over me and I swiftly avoided them. I wasn't worried about my skin, I just didn't want to be seen. I was sure that dressed in dark pants and a dark shirt, someone would assume I was up to something and I didn't need any attention right now. I slowed my pace as I came up to Bella's street and took a deep breath as I walked towards her house.

I was nervous.

I had never ever been nervous since I was changed. Nothing ever really got to me, nothing made me uneasy or anxious. I took everything in stride and after a century of living an immortal life, most things seemed too inconsequential to make me feel strange. I stopped for a second, looked at what I had bought and ripped off the wrapping. The wrapping didn't seem right; it wasn't a present, it was meant to symbolize how I saw my Bella. Delicate and fragile, but infinitely strong and beautiful.

As I walked up her mothers' driveway, I saw that the outside porch light wasn't on and that there were no lights inside. Her truck was still in the driveway, so I knew that she couldn't be far if she wasn't inside. I tried the front door and it didn't give, so I walked around to the back of the house. It wasn't hard to jimmy the back sliding door open; Emmett had taught me how to get around human devices long ago. It was a skill I only used when I needed something desperately.

There was a light on in the kitchen, but after I slowly made my way around, as not to scare her if she was in the house, I saw that the kitchen was empty and looked as though it had not been touched the entire time Bella had been here. It was then that I clued in; her mother wasn't here. She had come all this way to an empty house – if was human, my gut would have wrenched in pain. She couldn't even stand to be in the same state as me?

I stopped myself, determined to find Bella and at least let her know that I loved her. That was all that mattered at this point; although I had said it as best I could in the clearing, I needed to tell her again. She could never know just how deeply I cared for her and how much she truly meant to me. I walked through the house quietly, again, not wanting to scare her or startle her in any way.

As I walked towards the end of the hallway, there was one door that was just ajar, where all the others were wide open. I pushed the door open gently and saw my Bella, fast asleep in her bed, covers tousled at her feet, her hair fanned out across her pillow. I took a deep breath.

I had come all this way to see her… and yet to wake her up just for me to have my fill didn't seem right. I wanted to talk to her, to kiss her, to hold her… but it didn't seem right at this very moment. Suddenly I understood why she had wanted space and why she had needed to leave. Although going across the country was extreme, it made sense to me.

I thought about leaving, but I needed her to know that I had been here; that I had been thinking and dreaming about her since she left me. I sighed to myself and walked over to the opposite side of her bed, gently sinking down onto her covers. She sighed and stirred a bit but slowly stopped moving as her breathing became smoother. This was one of the things I knew well about Bella; she wouldn't wake just from someone sitting on her bed, it would have taken more than that.

I considered what I should do, for just a moment, and then stood up to leave.

And then I was running as fast as possible; it was dark now and there would be no likelihood of anyone finding me. To run across the country would take me at least a day, but I had the energy and the drive to do it. I hoped to get most of my trip done over night so that I could run at top speed and not be seen. If I got tired, I would stop and take a flight home. But I needed to feel the wind through my hair, the speed through my body and the ground on my feet.

I only hoped that by the time I got home, she would have made her decision and be back on her way.

**In case you haven't figured it out, I don't like giving away too much ;) But a Bella chapter is up next and then something a bit out of the ordinary… Please review! I'll post a new chapter asap! Thanks again to everyone who's reviewed over the past few weeks!!**


	18. Chapter 17

**Thanks to my reviewers xxtaylorcxx, 31415913 and Jacobluver4ever!**

I listened to the sounds of the ocean as I lay in bed, willing myself to get up. I knew it was still dark but I refused to open my eyes, knowing that with each day that passed, I was that much closer to having to go home with no decision made.

I hadn't gone back to bed when I had come home from the beach like I normally did. I decided to stay up and try to enjoy a nice day here in Jacksonville. Fate didn't agree with my plans because the day had been overcast and I spent most of my time walking around the city, looking at shops and restaurants, thinking about what my life would have been like if I had moved here when mom asked me to.

It was near the city centre where I realized I didn't fit in here in Jacksonville. This wasn't my home, nor could it have been. Phoenix had agreed with me, at least I had felt like home when I was there. I was certain that if I had left Forks one year ago after Edward had left me, I would have returned within a few weeks. I missed the predictability of Forks; the weather, Charlie, and my old truck, which stuck out like a sore thumb here.

I opened my eyes and sat up in bed, looking around at the familiar room. My clothes were strewn around the floor, my duffel bag wide open, spilling out the last of my clean clothes onto the floor. The clothes were nothing out of the ordinary, I had been lazy since I got here with laundry and cleaning. But the covers were at my feet, indicating to me that I had slept badly last night even though I didn't remember having a nightmare.

I swung my feet out of bed and planted them on the floor, stretching my arms up over my head and yawning widely. A glance at the clock told me it was now two in the morning and I groaned. If I planned to leave anytime soon I would have to get my sleeping patterns back to normal. I kicked at the clothes on the floor by my feet and decided it was time to do some laundry. Bending over, I picked up an armful of my clothes and stood up to gather the rest. I turned around to head to the other side of the bed, where a pile of socks and underwear had accumulated and dropped everything I had just picked up.

On the other pillow of my bed was a single rose; it looked almost black but as I moved closer, I realized that it was the deepest possible shade of red, as dark as blood. I swiveled around my room, looking for an indication that someone had been here during my sleep or that someone was _still_ here. I ran out into the hallway and through my mom's house anxiously, looking for a sign that would indicate who had been here. Nothing had been touched. I checked both the back door and the front door to find both locked. I sunk to the floor on my knees and breathed hard, trying not to hyperventilate.

It was one of them. My gut wrenched when I realized that perhaps one of them had followed me here, and had been here the entire time I was. That all to familiar pain began to come through and I clutched my hand to my chest, willing it to stop. Had it been Edward? Or had it been Jacob? Anyone who would have been hunting me wouldn't have taken the time to leave me a rose; they would have taken me during my sleep and gotten it over with. It had to be one of them. I had to find out, but how?

I stood up shakily and began to head to my room to find clothes for the day. I stopped myself in my doorway, looking down at the large pile of clothes I had dropped. What was I going to do? Scour the city on my own at two in the morning? Both of them would have taken the care not to be seen coming in here and avoid being seen at all, most likely.

What was worse was that I didn't know who I would have rather it been. They had both entered my mind at the same time and my hope was just that _someone_ had come. I needed contact with people, I needed to start to live my life normally again. Maybe I wouldn't feel so pathetically hopeless if I was back home in Forks. I bent down and started to gather my clothes up again, dumping them on the bed for easier sorting. I realized then that I would have to come home with a bag full of dirty laundry in order to make my Mexico story plausible. I dumped my last clean outfit out of the bag onto the bed and quickly folded the rest of my dirty laundry into my duffel bag. I carefully checked the floors and under the bed for anything extra before closing the bag up and putting it next to the front door.

I went back into the room and carefully picked up the dark rose, twirling it in my fingers. It was so delicate looking and I realized I was lucky I hadn't rolled over onto it during the night. I brought the rose up to my nose and inhaled its sweet, delicate scent. No one had ever given me flowers before. I continued to twirl the flower in between my fingers and sucked in my breath in pain as a sharp thorn pierced my finger, making it bleed. I was lucky that Edward and his family weren't here. I ripped off the thorn that had impaled my finger and placed the rose on top of my bag in the hallway.

I ripped the sheets off the bed and shoved them into the washer, tossing soap into the load and choosing a short, fast cycle. I had to cover my tracks carefully; I went through the kitchen, wiping everything clean, but not so clean that Renee would notice that the house was cleaner than when she left it. I made sure that the food I had brought was taken out of the fridge and put into a box by the door. Finally, I made certain that all the random garbage I had created throughout the past week and a half was put into one bag and again, put beside the door for me to take with me when I left. I heard the washer end its cycle and I jogged to the laundry room to transfer it into the dryer. I needed to get out of here.

I sat in front of the TV, waiting for my laundry to finish, barely watching what was in front of me. I had learned days ago that there was nothing good on TV at this time in the morning. My stomach grumbled, but I had packed up all my food and didn't to clean up all over again. I would grab something on my way out of Jacksonville.

I stood up and growled angrily. Who had been here? It was driving me nuts; as much as I tried to busy myself with cleaning it was sitting in the back of my head, threatening to make me explode with frustration. Was it good or bad that they had come here? Did it mean that they wanted my decision as badly as I did? Or did it mean that someone was letting me go…

I heard the dryer finish and I sprinted to the laundry room, ripping the sheets out of the dryer and slamming the door shut. I quickly made the bed as neatly as I could and threw the duvet cover over the top, making sure that nothing looked out of place in the room. Once I was satisfied that everything looked fine, I walked quickly towards the door and picked up the rose and my duffel bag. I figured it would be smarter to do a few trips rather than stumble around in the driveway.

I looked back into the house for a moment wistfully; I wished I had been able to see my mom. I missed her so much and I hadn't seen her forever. When I got back, I would have to make plans to come back and spend time with her. But this time I would fly instead of pushing my truck to do another cross-country journey.

I grabbed the spare key from the table in the hallway with my free hand and stuck it in my pocket, opening the front door slowly, making sure not to crush the rose in my hand. It was then that I looked forward and nearly tripped over the door jam, throwing my duffel bag down from my shoulder to the ground, still intertwined with my arm.

Someone was standing on my front porch in the shadows.

It was a male, too burly to be Edward but to short to be Jacob. I squinted into the darkness as the figure turned around to face me and took two steps forward.

**Please hit review and let me know what you think! I know someone commented on wanting to know what Emmett's deal with the first time he saw Bella was, so I might deviate from my original plan and explain that a bit better. Otherwise it'll be in the sequel… ;) Review please!!**


	19. Chapter 18

"Emmett?" Bella's voice hissed into the darkness. I stepped forward again into the square of light coming from her mom's front hallway and grinned at her.

"Hey Bella – long time no see!" I winked at her and in an instant she was in front of me, arms wrapped around my waist, hugging me tightly. I hugged her back with as much enthusiasm as I could without hurting her.

"I can't believe you're here. Why are you here? Is everything okay?" Bella stared up at me with wide eyes, a look of worry coming across her face. I let her go and shook my head.

"Everything is fine. I just thought I'd stop by…" Bella's eyes searched my face inquisitively and she loosened herself from my grasp, taking a step back.

"Was in the area… you know how it is…" I winked down at her and grinned, trying to act as though it was no big deal that I'd followed her across the country, with Edward nonetheless.

She stared back at me, one eyebrow slowly rising on the left side of her face. I cleared my throat and gestured down at her bags.

"Going somewhere?"

"Home." Her response was quiet but firm.

I tipped my head to the side and stared at her with a smile.

"Not going to invite me in?"

She sighed lightly.

"Em, I'm kind of in a hurry… long drive you know." She looked past me at her truck and then into the surrounding darkness quickly.

"Aw c'mon… I'm in your hometown and I don't even get a tour of the beach? You can do better than that Bella!"

Bella took a deep breath in and sighed louder this time. She nodded again, pushing her duffel bag back into the house and closing the door behind her. It was then I noticed the single red rose dangling between her fingers that she had neglected to put inside the house with her bags.

"What's with the rose?"

Bella looked up at me with hopeful eyes and after a moment, her face fell a bit and she looked back down, leading the way off her porch. It had to be from Edward. Bella wouldn't be walking around with a single flower, let alone a rose.

"He was here wasn't he…" Bella whispered, her eyes shifting to the side and away from me.

I nodded, only needing to take in one deep breath to smell Edwards' scent off the rose. We stood silent on the front porch for a moment before I moved my hand to rest on her upper arm gently.

When she looked up at me, her eyes were filled with tears, her face still composed. I could see it all then, deep in her eyes, that this choice was slowly killing her.

I slid my arm around her shoulders and started to lead her in the direction of the beach. Anyone who saw us together would have thought of us as a couple, taking a midnight stroll down the beach. My breath caught in my throat for a moment as the thought of us – Bella and I – opened in my mind.

Bella felt my intake of breath and looked up at me. I turned my head towards her and smiled down, helping her step off the boardwalk and into the sand. She slipped her flip flops off and padded forward into the sand; I followed suit, taking three strides to catch up to her.

After a few minutes, she lowered herself down onto the sand, carefully putting the rose down beside her. She patted the sand beside her and I plopped myself down beside her, grinning at her, trying to make her laugh.

"Em, what are you doing here?" She laughed at me as I brushed excess sand off my feet and jeans.

It was now or never.


End file.
